3 Steps for Setting Boundaries During the Holidays for your Baby’s Sleep
Who else is excited to experience the holidays through the eyes of their little one?!
It is so heart warming to watch as your baby stares in wonder at the sparkling lights or as your toddler helps you decorate the tree (all bulbs clumped together on one branch toward the bottom of course).
It’s a magical time of year…but also a stressful one. So much planning, organizing, traveling and events. Another thing that comes with the holidays are the feelings of obligation and guilt. If you visit one side of the family you have to visit the other side. If you bring a dish to pass for one dinner, you have to bring a dish to pass for all other events.
What’s worse is that a lot of these obligations can disrupt your family’s routines and often times cause more stress than they are worth. It may feel hard to say no to certain things, but the aftermath that comes from overbooking your family can be even harder. So how do you help maintain some structure during the holidays?
Boundaries.
I’m sure you’ve been hearing this word thrown around a lot since becoming a parent.
Here’s why it is important: Setting boundaries can help protect your mental health, especially during times of heightened stress such as the holidays.
One of the hardest things to set boundaries around is your child’s sleep. But as a new parent, sleep is precious. Disrupting your baby’s routine can sometimes have a not-so-ideal snowball affect.
This is why I’ve put together some tips to help you keep firm boundaries around your child’s sleep this holiday season!
Set your Expectations.
No one knows your child like you do. You know what they can and potentially can not handle. It is not your job to make every one happy and to attend all holiday events. Remember, simple is often times better when it comes to babies and young children.
If the days are packed with multiple holiday events, it is 100% ok for you to pick and choose what you think is ideal for your family! Have your in-laws planned a day out including breakfast with Santa, ornament shopping, cookie decorating and caroling (do people still do that?)? Sounds like A LOT to do with a baby or toddler.
Here’s what you can say to hold a boundary: “All of this sounds magical, but also makes for a very long day. To best enjoy the day, we will have to skip out on (pick an activity or two) to head home for a nap and rejoin everyone afterward!”
If you receive pushback you can say: “Thank you for sharing that, but I know my child cannot happily handle all of these activities without proper rest. We will call you once they are up from their nap to meet back up.”
P.S. Check out this post Her View From Home reshared from Kahlid El Khatib’s Twitter (can you feel the overwhelm?!? But also, can Khalid’s mom make my menu plans?!):
Peace Out Guilt
The holidays can be a time where family members can lay the guilt on THICK, especially if you have a new baby that everyone wants to see. As a people pleaser myself, I know it is so hard to pick and choose what family dinners to attend. But here’s the thing: You can only be in one place at a time. If family isn’t willing to celebrate on alternate days, then you will have to let someone down by not attending. They may be upset at first when you set this hard boundary, but it is a necessary one and you are certainly not being selfish for holding it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wake up in your own home on Christmas and enjoying a slow morning before heading out to visit family. It does not have to be a jam packed day starting at 7:00am, making multiple stops, squeezing in car naps and hoping your little one doesn’t melt down while opening gifts.
One of the easiest ways to hold this boundary is to alternate years. Even years you visit your family, odd years you visit your partner’s family.
You can also take it a step further to communicate in advance and say: “This is our current nap schedule. In order to ensure our child doesn’t have a melt down during the festivities, it would be best if we could schedule dinner around this time (ex: 6:00pm).”
If family is not flexible on timing, that’s ok! You can let them know that you will arrive after nap time or that you will have to leave by a certain time so bedtime isn’t too late.
3 Strategies to Help you Plan Accordingly, Hold your Boundaries and Protect your Baby’s Sleep:
Give your families as much notice as possible on what your holiday plans will be. Advanced notice also includes things such as where and how long you will be staying, what you are able to bring or not bring, and what they can do to help you set your child up for success with sleep in a new environment.
Protect the first nap of the day. Have this nap occur at home in their familiar sleep space. Allowing your little one to have at least one quality nap will make for a much smoother holiday gathering!
If traveling out of town and staying with family, bring familiar items from home to set up a sleep space for your little one.
Sleep sack or swaddle
Crib or pack n play sheet that smells like home
Lovey or blanket
White noise machine
SlumberPod to recreate that pitch black environment (use code MINDFULSLEEP$20 for a discount).
Baby monitor
If family tries to deter you from placing your little one down for a nap, you can say: “I want to ensure they don’t become overstimulated and overtired, their nap is important so that we can all better enjoy the day/evening.”
BONUS: Use this as an opportunity to take a breather yourself! The holidays are overwhelming and having this short break can be a nice reset for yourself!
3. When all else fails: Baby wear! This is the perfect way to keep baby close and to prevent overstimulation from being passed around! You can even clip a little portable white noise machine to you to help block out all the chatter from family!
Bottom Line:
This is your holiday too! While it can be a very stressful time, having actionable steps and boundaries in place can make all the difference!
You cannot control the responses and feelings of others to the boundaries you hold for your family, but you can control your own.
Prior to attending events this holiday season, ensure you and your partner are on the same page so they can be your ally should family try to push back.
If you’re reading this and struggling with your baby’s sleep, you don’t have to wait until you reach your breaking point with sleep deprivation to ask for help (like myself and so many others have!).
I offer free 30-minute calls to see if working together would be a good fit. I am here to be your go-to person, to answer your questions and support you, making the sleep training process easier on the whole family!
Cheers to better sleep!
Yasmin Johnston
Your Pediatric Sleep Consultant
